Read The Testimony

Have you ever spoken and wished that
you could immediately take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a
hole? Here are the Testimonials of a
few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair
salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you
charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and
never went back. My husband didn't say
a word...he knew better.

SECON D TESTIMONY: I was at the golf
store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's
type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached
by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were
at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we
were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we
needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister
started to laugh hysterically, The boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and
walked away. To this day, my Sister has
never let me forget.

FOURT H TESTIMONY: While in line at the
bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran
amok. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start
behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me
in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don' t let me go
right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The silence was deafening after
this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter
in tow. The last thing I heard when the
door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.
< BR>FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked
your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of
problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped
at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with
a full dining room. While enjoying my
taco, I smelled something funny, so of
course I checked my seven-month-old
d aughter, and she was clean.Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go
potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny,
did you have an accident?" This time he
jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over and spread his cheeks and
yelled, "SEE MOM,IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death
on their tacos laughing, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down. An
old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd
ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the
state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news
anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female
news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised
me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did
too they were laughing so hard!